stupid funny

I hope these conversations are real.
This one is for smarco.

Jock #1: Don't you dare tell me that Santa Claus doesn't exist. I'll kick your ass.
Jock #2: Shut up, you know he doesn't exist.
Jock #1: Then who the hell puts the presents under the tree?!
Jock #2: Your mom does!
Jock #3: I'd totally do your mom. No lie.
Jock #2: Me, too.
Jock #1: Santa exists, dammit!

Customer: What is the Happy Meal toy for boys this week?
Employee: Oh, no ma'am, we don't have boy or girl toys this week -- they are bisexual.
Customer: What?!

Girl: I don't know, I just hate it when they mixed the coloreds and the whites.
Random passerby: What?
Girl, loudly: What? Ohhh! I mean Christmas lights! I swear. I like houses that are all decorated the same way.
Friend: Just stop talking.
Girl: I am such a dipshit.

you can relax

I hope you weren't worried but I was locked out of the house for a bit. Apparently I have too many email addresses and passwords, and logins, and user names. So I forgot how to get in. Surprised I'm sure.

I was watching Espen the other day and was on the way out the door but caught the beginning of a spot. I heard an interesting question. Or maybe I heard something that made me think of this question. It's been a couple of weeks now.

So the question is, across any major sport and any time period, who is the most clutchest of athletes?

I have to say soccer, hockey and boxing are out. Maybe hockey could get by based on a goalie but I don't know enough to make that call. I think we're talking the likes of Montana, Jordan, Reggie Jackson, Federer, Tiger. Too many to list without feeling like I've left somebody off. Even the smaller fish like Jeter, Reggie Miller and Kimo von Oelhoffen. I'm not saying you have to like them, but who do you not want with the ball when your team is up. And I'm not saying they have to be the best, we're talking clutch.

In the 3 minutes or so of focused effort considering this question, I've got to go with MJ. Is there any more lasting image than "The Shot"?

And since we're playing this game, who is the biggest choker? Latrell Sprewell does not count.

Just Perfect

I sure wish I had written this, but regardless it's here to stay.

Whether we admit it or not, we circle our wagons closer and closer each year. We believe that he's happy and proud of us and is pointing proudly at our circle. But he's not even paying attention because the wagons are together so tight that he can't get in. Not even on his Harley. But we always find room for other wagons that look just like ours.

The Big Game

Disclaimer:
If you visit me out here often, hopefully I'll have some good stuff. Hopefully you'll be encouraged, or challenged, or heart broken enough to do something. I'd be pleased if I can stir something in you, especially if it moves you to seek the Father.

Sometimes it will be nonsense. Sometimes it will just be part of what is going on in and around me, which could very well be nonsense.

Sometimes, maybe oftentimes, I'll just repeat something I heard elsewhere but want to share. This is one of those times.

A member of the clergy arrives in heaven and is greeted at the gate by Peter, Jesus’ disciple. “Well hi, how are you?”

“Fine,” the man answered. “Do I just walk in?”

“That depends,” Peter answered. “How many points you got?”

“Points? What points?”

“You know, points for doing good things.”

The man didn’t look too concerned. “I’ve done a lot of good things,” the man answered.

“So, how many points do you have?”

“I have no idea. How many points do I need?”

“You need one hundred points to get in,” Peter answers.

“One hundred points? Is that all? That shouldn’t be too tough. I worked at the soup kitchen for 20 years will that…?”

“Certainly. I can give you a point for that.” Peter answered.

“A point for each time?” the man asked hopeful.

“No, a point for the whole thing.” Peter seemed a bit perturbed.

“Only a point?” The man was shocked. “Well, I was a pastor for 40 years.”

“Hmmm,” Peter thought a moment. “I guess I can give you a point for that too.

The man was dumbfounded. How could he possibly get enough points at this rate? While he was thinking of enough ways to get points, a businessman that he knew while on earth walked by, waving at Peter. “Hi, Pete. How are you doing?”

Peter waved back with a smile. “I’m doing great. Enjoy yourself.” And with that the man just walked through the gates.

The cleric looked confused and turned to Peter. “You mean that guy has a hundred points?”

“That guy?” Peter asked pointing over his shoulder. “He’s not playing this game.”

I don't want any part of this game. I want OUT.

pressure

So yesterday KT wrestled me into writing a Christmas update to join our Christmas photo cards in our annual Christmas mailing. Which will be on time because I'm married to a woman who cares about such things. She's a machine when it comes to this type of stuff. And it will go out to more people than we actually talk to in a year.

But it is really unfortunate that I can't be myself when it comes to a Christmas card update. To be fair, if I was myself, my wife would be writing the update and I would be watching the Bengals. Regardless, once she secured my commitment, and the process had begun, my update was vetoed multiple times so as not to offend recipients of our Christmas mailings. For the love of Jesus, it's a Christmas update. Come on!

I'd like to share one particular veto. Not to prove that I'm right, but to get to my point.

There is a quick review of our year and in it I mentioned KT made an appearance at her Dad's 60th birthday party. Humor being of the utmost importance in this Christmas update, I wrote, "...old man Cleverdon turned 60..." And despite a roar of laughter from wife, "ummm, maybe we should change that." What? haggle, haggle Fine. "...Cleverdon the Gray turned 60..." "No." After much haggling, "...Cleverdon the Wise turned 60..." And that's where it stands.

So what I realized in the midst of this, is there's a lot of pressure around Christmas.

It's the most wonderful time of the year. Remember the reason for the season. Joy to the World. Deck the Halls with boughs of holly. Put up the tree. Send Christmas cards to everyone in the address book (that's overstating it). Fight traffic at the malls to buy gifts for people out of compulsion. Make lots of food. Cookies. If I was better at this my list would be longer I'm sure.

So is this thing overwhelming or what?

Can I just relax? Get in the scriptures. Spend some time alone. Take a walk with my wife. I want to check out the beauty. I want to have friends around without feeling like I'm dodging a train. I don't want to feel like I am supposed to be DOING. Can I just be?

Am I allowed to tell Christmas to back off? Well I'd like to.

It's his peace that I want. Luke 2 says "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests." I'd trade all the Christmas cookies I could find for this. John 14: "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives."

In Isaiah 30 the Lord says, "In repentance and rest is your salvation..."

Yeah, that sounds good. I'll have some more of that.

postmodern

So this is what tipped the scale. Hard to believe.

I know from the get-go you may never come back, but I like the work I've done here and I thought I'd share my creation.

A couple of the mud turtles around here at the office were hard at work and we got on the subject of POOP. Suprising I'm sure. All over email. And while I won't share the entire conversation you can rest assured it was for the lack of a better word, funny.

Well one of the guys sent out his retro







which was mighty clever. (By the way, POOP upside down is boob. We all learned that along our journey.)

But I had to do what I could to stay at the forefront of the discussion. Thus my postmodern POOP.

I hope you enjoy my POOP as much as I enjoyed creating it. The art of course.

The Tipping Point

Well, this may be short lived but I have entered the World of Blog. It seems I have stuff I like to share. So that's how it'll be. I'll share what I like. Here. Or what I don't. But I will share. And when I want. I'm in charge here. Mostly, except for some rules I had to agree to.

Hopefully I'll stick around for awhile. This could be good. I hope someone else sees this. This world is desolate. Helloooooo...helloooo...hello.













It's quiet on this end. But I think I'll stay for awhile.