The final 5

What I'm about to say does not apply to the NBA All-Star game. It sucks. Bad. And there is nothing that the low to mid-level consumer can do to increase the entertainment value above high school girls hoops.



It may not apply to "your" team. But it should until tournament games start or if you hate the team wearing different colored uniforms. This is best used for good teams that you have no real interest in but as you'll see, works best for good GAMES.

I have realized how great basketball on tv is, IF watched appropriately. Basketball on the television drags for me. I tend to flip a lot when I'm watching games, so it's good that there are often 4 or more games on at a time. This applies to any level of tv ball. And this soon to be revealed method will come in mighty handy for all of us come the first weekend of the NC2A tourney. The patch, as PC users call it, would strike fear in the hearts of advertisers should they be made aware of its (correct use of the apostropheless "its" - and "its" is a funny looking word isn't it) genius.

We all should know by now that a large lead early, say 17-2, often means nothing when two competing teams are of similar stock. The 15 points are almost meaningless. Match ups change, foul trouble manifests, a team gets hot or cold, strategies change, and typically, the lead is chipped into over the next 30ish minutes to tighten the contest to a one to two possession game. This is often achieved by the last 5 minutes of the the allotted time of said leagues rules.

So get out your notepads. Here's how this works.

The goal: Don't start watching the GAME until there are approximately 5 minutes left in regulation.

Step 1 - Based on the start time, calculate at what time the last 5 minutes will be played.
Step 1 (alternate scenario) - If you accidentally stumble across a game, calculate at what time the last 5 minutes will be played.
Step 1a - Change the channel.

Step 1a is of great importance to the soundness of this maneuver. If you find yourself watching the game in the early minutes, for the love of humanity CHANGE the channel.

Step 2 - Check the progress of your game and recalculate.
Step 2a - Change the channel.

This is a finesse move that requires practice and discipline. For the newbie, it may be good to set the timer on your watch, stove or high end coffee maker for 15 seconds so as not to get sucked in. This "sucked in" phenomenon is a real and legitimate threat to the proper execution of Step 2. You have been warned.

Step 3 - Repeat Step 2 and 2a so as not to miss the final 5 minutes.

If you find you yourself repeating Step 2 and 2a, without the digital minutes changing on the game clock, do not be deceived, you ARE watching the whole game. And muting the game does not work. This has been thoroughly tested and has repeatedly been shown to be a miserable failure as an alternative method.

Step 4 - Enjoy the "Final 5."

Assuming there has been proper execution of Steps 1-3, Step 4 is cake. This is your reward. If you have missed anywhere up to the final 150 seconds, don't be concerned, there is still a good fifteen minutes of basketball left to play. But this is your time. Enjoy this, you are getting the good stuff.

And that's it.

Let's walk through some of the major benefits.
- Your significant others will be pleased at the free time and peace of mind you have, as well as the minimized times of Neanderthal action directed at "your" team. (By the way, neither the coach nor the players can hear you.)

- If the game does turn into a blowout, you have wasted no time on a stinker of a game. And if you have applied this method to "your" team you have saved yourself much grief and anxiety. In this situation, if "your" team happens to be the dominator, you have missed the destruction of a hated team. I will say a prayer for your loss. But rejoice in the final 5. However, my research has shown that the odds of a blowout in a rival game are less than 3.5%. So chances are good this will not happen to "your" team.

- Overtime games are the perfect fit for this skilled approach to tv basketball.
Example 1 - The recent Texas-Texas A&M, double overtime game is a prime exhibition of this approach. Down four with fourteen seconds left what does A&M do? Tie it up , we're going to overtime.
Example 2 - The recent Cavs-Mavs game. With Cleveland down fourteen to 13 wins in a row Dallas and 6:02 left, the game is over. SO over. Uhhh, no it's not, we covered that. Lead cut to three with 41 seconds left. Down to the wire as LeBron misses two free throws and two good looks at a 3 that would have sent it to overtime. (And I'll say it here again, LeBron MUST start hitting free throws for Cleveland to advance in the playoffs.)

All anyone really wants to see is the final 5 plus the overtime. A mini-version of the "Final 5" can be applied during bonus time, known to those in the...know, called the "mini-Final 5" or the "Final 1." It is risky, but can can be applied by veterans of the "Final 5."

- Sometimes you reap the benefits of networks having met their commercial quota and you are kept live on air to watch the players and coaches stand around in a tight huddle while you can hear nothing. Your imagination runs wild about all the scribbling of Xs and Os on the dry erase board. And the encouragement by Coach, it's still ringing in my imagination. All the while uninterrupted by adds for life changing products and services. Exhilarating if you ask this man.

- If you feel as though you may have missed an amazing highlight, they can often be seen on ESPN's Sports Center or at ESPN's online gathering place.

But don't be discouraged. If you invite me over to your place to watch "your" team play an entire game of hoops, chances are high I will come (chances are high I will come over if invited for any reason). And I will not feel the need to flip. You are in control and I am ok with that.

Actually, no, I will not say a prayer for your loss. And there was no actual research done in preparation of rolling out the "Final 5." All stats contained herein are based on...not much.